p erso n al form o f ju stic e an d can also b e u se d as a form o f
p u n ish m en t. Yes, it’s te m p tin g to go into th e d ark recesses o f
y o u r m in d , playing a scene o v er an d o ver till y o u r blood boils.
I t ’s h u m a n n a tu re really, w h e n w e a re m o re attra c te d to th e
negatives, seein g th e glass h alf-em p ty th a n half-full. D r
R ach n a K Singh, H olistic M edicine & L ifestyle M an ag em en t
E xpert, A rtem is H ea lth In stitu te, G urgaon, says, “People
b ro o d m o re b ecau se th e y m ake it in to a habit; it b eco m es a
cycle w h e re th e y g e t in sta n t gratification fro m th e brooding.”
She adds, “B ut n o o n e g ets an y th in g by b ein g gloom y; you are
sim ply h u rtin g y o u rse lf in th e bargain.” W h ile th is h a b it is
self-indulgent, it co m es w ith serio u s h e a lth consequences.
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s z m
You th in k y o u r m in d ’s th e only o rg an u n d e r stress? W rong.
By h o ld in g a g ru d g e you are d o in g m o re h a rm to y o u r body.
M ost often, th e w ro n g d o e r is blissfully u n aw a re o f y o u r
problem s, w h ile you are ste w in g in y o u r o w n negative juices.
A nd m ostly it’s y o u r h e a rt paying th e p rice for y o u r g ru d g in g
th o u g h ts. Says D r SK G upta, S enior C o n su ltan t, Cardiology,
In d ra p ra sth a A pollo H ospitals, D elhi, “I f w e are irritated , th e
body releases ce rtain catech o lam in es—h o rm o n es th a t are
released from th e brain.” H e adds, “O nce th e y are in
circulation, th e blood p re ssu re an d p u lse ra te go up,
eventually h a rm in g th e w h o le system .” H e explains th a t th e re
are tw o types o f d efen ce m echanism s. O ne is sy m p ath etic
rea ctio n s (fight o r flight), w h e n y o u r b o d y is u n d e r
aggression. T h e o th e r is th e p ara sy m p ath etic resp o n se w h e re
o n e relaxes an d regenerates. T h e se are n o rm al physiological
resp o n se s o f an j' living being. “H ow ever, to o m any
sy m p ath etic resp o n ses (fo rm ed usually w ith an g e r and
rese n tm e n t) cau se h y p erten sio n , tachy-cardia (fast p u lse rate)
an d c o ro n a ry artery' disease.” D r G u p ta says th a t m o stly T ype
A p erso n a lities—aggressive g o -g etters—have co ro n ary artery
disease. “H ow ever, even p eo p le w h o are passive b u t te n d to
th in k negative, an g ry th o u g h ts, can su ffer from th e sam e
p ro b lem s b ecau se o f th e ir resen tfu l attitude.” Q u o tin g a b ook
h e recen tly read, D r G u p ta says, “W h ile h e a lth y co m p ariso n
an d criticism are im p o rtan t, u n h e a lth y levels are bad; people
w h o criticize o th e rs invariably ex p o se th e ir o w n w eaknesses.”
In addition, D r B arm i says, “B rooding is a less proactive
b eh a v io u r an d m o re o f a negative m ood; it can also lead to
self-sabotage, for exam ple: b inge eating.” T h e fu n n y th in g
ab o u t g ru d g es is th a t th e re ’s little th e o th e r p e rso n does th a t
m akes you b ro o d o n a reg u lar basis. You c re ate p ro b lem s for
y o u rself o nly b ecau se you d o n ’t le t go.
Life On Hold
H o ld in g g ru d g es is a serious, b ad habit. W h e n you g e t into
th e ritu al o f in tro sp ectio n , it seem s like th e w h o le w o rld is
ag ain st you (even if it’s not). T h is p rev e n ts you from b ein g
n atu rally o p en b ecau se o f c o n sta n t suspicion. T h e definition
o f g ru d g es in th e v erb fo rm m ean s to b e resentfully un w illin g
“Grudges stem from
a
personalperception
when we perceive
something that is usually
not based on
facts.”
— Dr Rachna KSingh,
Holistic Medicine & Lifestyle Management Expert
to give, g ra n t o r allow som ething. W h e n u se d as a noun,
g ru d g es a re a p e rsiste n t feeling o f ill-w ill o r re se n tm e n t
resu ltin g fro m a p a st in su lt o r injury'. Say's D r B arm i, “G rudges
hold you back b ec au se th ey p re v e n t y'ou from c o n fro n tin g th e
situation, th e re b y n o t le ttin g y'ou g ro w as an individual.” S he
adds, “T h ey also sto p yo u fro m d ev elo p in g relatio n sh ip s
b ecau se o n ce it’s a habit, conflicts b ec am e a reg u lar p a rt o f
y o u r life.” I n fact, a lo t o f tim e an d energy' is w a ste d in ju st
p u rsu in g th e se th o u g h ts w h e n th e sam e tim e could be u se d
in sim ply b ein g happy. L et’s try' to c o m p u te y o u r grudges: if
you h a rb o u r a g ru d g e fo r five y ears fo r an h o u r every day,
you lose tw o -a n d -a -h a lf m o n th s ju s t b ein g angry’ an d
resentful. D r Singh says, “A g ru d g e m ay n o t even b e req u ired
in m o st cases; it co u ld ju s t b e so m e th in g th a t you have
perceiv ed w rongly; it h o ld s yo u b ack b ecau se it cre ate s an
im age o f a n o th e r p erso n th a t m ay o r m ay n o t be c o rre c t”
T h is leads to a ta rn ish in g o f relatio n sh ip s b e tw e e n y'ou an d
th e su p p o sed w ro n g d o er; it sta rts w ith a p erceiv ed notion,
lead in g to b ad b eh a v io u r from y'our side, so m e th in g th a t w ill
definitely b e recip ro cated by th e o th e r person. “I f you are n o t
g o in g to be w a rm o r cordial th e re ’s little ch a n c e th a t th e
o th e r p erso n will.” W h e n th e g ru d g e b eco m es stronger, it
spills over an d you v e n t ab o u t y o u r p ro b lem to others. P eople
m ay conceive th is as backbiting, w h ic h is n o t g re a t for y o u r
o w n im age. B ut m o st im p o rtan tly g ru d g es spoil y o u r m en tal
h e a lth a n d peace, b o th o f w h ic h are crucial to b ein g happy.
W alking th ro u g h life is never easy' w ith excess baggage. W h ile
n o o n e is su p e rh u m a n e n o u g h to n ev er b rood, still, habits
m u st b e fo rm ed as early' as possible to n ev e r fall in to th e
vicious cycle o f re s e n tm e n t Says D r Singh, “If yo u ’re tra p p e d
in a b ro o d in g cycle, b re a k th e p a tte rn w ith a clear
conversation; focus b ac k o n yourself, an d tra in y o u rself to
co m m u n icate. A p erso n w h o is in th e h a b it o f b ro o d in g w ill
n o t co m m u n ic ate m uch.” I t ’s very' im p o rta n t n o t to m ake
y'ourself feel like a victim o r cu t a so rry fig u re M aybe you are
only a victim in y o u r o w n eyes; if you feel v ictim ized you w ill
n o t b e o p en a n d m ake fruitful relatio n sh ip s w ith o th e r
people. T h a t inability to c o n n e c t is a t th e ro o t o f any
b e g ru d g e d scenario. To m ake life a little easier, o u r ex p e rts D r
BETTER HOM ES AND GARDENS JANUARY 2011
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